Today has been a day of darkness and sleep with periods of waking up to dizziness and confusion. Flashing screens continue to bother me. I try to stay away from shows that have a lot of segueing because of the typical flashes and the story lines are incredibly hard to follow.
My body does not take stimulation happily or readily. It fights and screams the whole way until it can no longer be ignored by throwing a huge fit. That fit usually either end up with my head above the throne or buried deep within pillows.
One moment of extreme confusion tonight was an interactive question posed about casinos tonight asking which of the four casino plans would be best for the area. Well, they listed five options. This led to me questioning the intelligence of the station and ended up being a discussion with my dad.
The answer causing all the confusion for me "Not one at all". I kept thinking that was a weird name for a casino. My dad kept patiently pointing out that was wrong. It finally dawned on me what was meant. I absolutely love, aka detest, these moments of "brain clarity".
Another day of therapy tomorrow so guess what that means until that time? You guess it.....sensory deprivation
More to come tomorrow
Keep praying
Monday, February 23, 2015
Long and sleepy weekend
Saturday was a day full of sleep. Normally this would sound good to most people. However, my brain simply was refusing to wake up. I slept all but probably 5 hours.
I know a brain heals only in sleep but sleep is getting old. When I was awake, it was like my brain was on a merry-go-round with me sitting in the center, watching the world spin faster and faster.
Sunday brought Mass. I refuse to give up ushering, even though it makes me sick most of the time. I need to have some normalcy in my life. We went to a restaurant afterwards, good food but a ton of stimulation.
By the time I got home my body was in shutdown mode. For me, it's either go down or things come up. I spent a few hours sleeping. I heard my dad say something about the TV not working right while watching the Daytona 500.
Naturally, my curious mind had to figure it out. So I came out of my dungeon of sorts to help figure it out.
I don't think there were more than 50 laps left in the race. I stayed and watched the race, having to take many breaks by looking away from the TV . I am known to push myself beyond limits and today was no exception.
Well, let's just say my stomach started to rebel, I had been fighting it for a while, by the end of the race. So, I must admit that sports still don't agree with me. Frustrating as heck for a guy who likes sports and loves being a sports photographer.
I have spent most of the rest of the day sleeping and trying to overcome my symptoms. Life with a brain injury still continues to be tough. I missed my Godson's baptism today because I can't travel. God has a plan for all this suffering. I have yet to see the entire picture.
Please continue to pray
I know a brain heals only in sleep but sleep is getting old. When I was awake, it was like my brain was on a merry-go-round with me sitting in the center, watching the world spin faster and faster.
Sunday brought Mass. I refuse to give up ushering, even though it makes me sick most of the time. I need to have some normalcy in my life. We went to a restaurant afterwards, good food but a ton of stimulation.
By the time I got home my body was in shutdown mode. For me, it's either go down or things come up. I spent a few hours sleeping. I heard my dad say something about the TV not working right while watching the Daytona 500.
Naturally, my curious mind had to figure it out. So I came out of my dungeon of sorts to help figure it out.
I don't think there were more than 50 laps left in the race. I stayed and watched the race, having to take many breaks by looking away from the TV . I am known to push myself beyond limits and today was no exception.
Well, let's just say my stomach started to rebel, I had been fighting it for a while, by the end of the race. So, I must admit that sports still don't agree with me. Frustrating as heck for a guy who likes sports and loves being a sports photographer.
I have spent most of the rest of the day sleeping and trying to overcome my symptoms. Life with a brain injury still continues to be tough. I missed my Godson's baptism today because I can't travel. God has a plan for all this suffering. I have yet to see the entire picture.
Please continue to pray
Long and sleepy weekend
Saturday was a day full of sleep. Normally this would sound good to most people. However, my brain simply was refusing to wake up. I slept all but probably 5 hours.
I know a brain heals only in sleep but sleep is getting old. When I was awake, it was like my brain was on a merry-go-round with me sitting in the center, watching the world spin faster and faster.
Sunday brought Mass. I refuse to give up ushering, even though it makes me sick most of the time. I need to have some normalcy in my life. We went to a restaurant afterwards, good food but a ton of stimulation.
By the time I got home my body was in shutdown mode. For me, it's either go down or things come up. I spent a few hours sleeping. I heard my dad say something about the TV not working right while watching the Daytona 500.
Naturally, my curious mind had to figure it out. So I came out of my dungeon of sorts to help figure it out.
I don't think there were more than 50 laps left in the race. I stayed and watched the race, having to take many breaks by looking away from the TV . I am known to push myself beyond limits and today was no exception.
Well, let's just say my stomach started to rebel, I had been fighting it for a while, by the end of the race. So, I must admit that sports still don't agree with me. Frustrating as heck for a guy who likes sports and loves being a sports photographer.
I have spent most of the rest of the day sleeping and trying to overcome my symptoms. Life with a brain injury still continues to be tough. I missed my Godson's baptism today because I can't travel. God has a plan for all this suffering. I have yet to see the entire picture.
Please continue to pray
I know a brain heals only in sleep but sleep is getting old. When I was awake, it was like my brain was on a merry-go-round with me sitting in the center, watching the world spin faster and faster.
Sunday brought Mass. I refuse to give up ushering, even though it makes me sick most of the time. I need to have some normalcy in my life. We went to a restaurant afterwards, good food but a ton of stimulation.
By the time I got home my body was in shutdown mode. For me, it's either go down or things come up. I spent a few hours sleeping. I heard my dad say something about the TV not working right while watching the Daytona 500.
Naturally, my curious mind had to figure it out. So I came out of my dungeon of sorts to help figure it out.
I don't think there were more than 50 laps left in the race. I stayed and watched the race, having to take many breaks by looking away from the TV . I am known to push myself beyond limits and today was no exception.
Well, let's just say my stomach started to rebel, I had been fighting it for a while, by the end of the race. So, I must admit that sports still don't agree with me. Frustrating as heck for a guy who likes sports and loves being a sports photographer.
I have spent most of the rest of the day sleeping and trying to overcome my symptoms. Life with a brain injury still continues to be tough. I missed my Godson's baptism today because I can't travel. God has a plan for all this suffering. I have yet to see the entire picture.
Please continue to pray
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Fifty Shades of Red: Are you sure you are alright?
Today I started a form of visual therapy. It's hard to explain or I don't know the technical name of it yet. So I will just describe what I did and the extreme discomfort, both physical and mental, it caused.
If you have read my blogs before, you know I have a brain injury specifically to the region of my brain around the occipital lobe of my brain. This means that my brain greatly lacks the ability to filter out a lot of visual stimuli leading to dizziness, nausea, and a general sense of wanting to shut out a lot of my environment.
It also, as today once again affirmed, has greatly affected my ability to hold onto short term memories. I went through a battery of tests today just to see where my areas of trouble were and I was, sad to say, not surprised on many of them.
The therapy session consisted of first a memory quiz. I was asked to remember five things (I don't have a clue what they were now). I was then told to repeat them. This was difficult and frustrating.
This memory challenge had 3 main sequences: letters, numbers, and finally words. Simple you would think, right? Haha, no! Finally on the word challenge, I thought that I would help myself and try to look around the room so I could associate the words with specific things in the room.
It only worked on the color red because of the red exit sign clearly visible.
Then we changed it up a little. The therapist had me find shapes within shapes, or had me match graphics with other graphics (once again hard to explain).
One that sticks out in mind was finding the letter "L" in a circle. All these tests were draining on my mental capacity. Thank goodness no word searches were used....yet.
So this brings me to the fifty shades of red. This describes the facial cues that I was giving off as the tests progressed. I guess that my face got increasingly red as the tests progressed. My hoodie almost matched the shade of my face.
Therapy continues to be a great struggle. It is incredibly frustrating. I know it is helping and will continue to help but the progress is slow.
This is a life test I will pass, I must pass. More tomorrow once my brain re-balances (HAHAHAHA).
If you have read my blogs before, you know I have a brain injury specifically to the region of my brain around the occipital lobe of my brain. This means that my brain greatly lacks the ability to filter out a lot of visual stimuli leading to dizziness, nausea, and a general sense of wanting to shut out a lot of my environment.
It also, as today once again affirmed, has greatly affected my ability to hold onto short term memories. I went through a battery of tests today just to see where my areas of trouble were and I was, sad to say, not surprised on many of them.
The therapy session consisted of first a memory quiz. I was asked to remember five things (I don't have a clue what they were now). I was then told to repeat them. This was difficult and frustrating.
This memory challenge had 3 main sequences: letters, numbers, and finally words. Simple you would think, right? Haha, no! Finally on the word challenge, I thought that I would help myself and try to look around the room so I could associate the words with specific things in the room.
It only worked on the color red because of the red exit sign clearly visible.
Then we changed it up a little. The therapist had me find shapes within shapes, or had me match graphics with other graphics (once again hard to explain).
One that sticks out in mind was finding the letter "L" in a circle. All these tests were draining on my mental capacity. Thank goodness no word searches were used....yet.
So this brings me to the fifty shades of red. This describes the facial cues that I was giving off as the tests progressed. I guess that my face got increasingly red as the tests progressed. My hoodie almost matched the shade of my face.
Therapy continues to be a great struggle. It is incredibly frustrating. I know it is helping and will continue to help but the progress is slow.
This is a life test I will pass, I must pass. More tomorrow once my brain re-balances (HAHAHAHA).
Monday, February 16, 2015
Progress 1 push at a time
In order to be a successful patient, one must learn patience first. Patience is something I struggle with daily. A good chunk of me just wants this to be over so I can move on.
However, I must remember that it's not my timing but God's. When I try to sprint too quickly, I end up in trouble.
The same goes if I go by my own rules. I am slowly learning to let go of my stubbornness, at east the bad form of it.
In a evaluation today I was hoping for some good news. I wasn't expecting to hear that I have come quite a distance from where I was in certain areas. I also get to start another form of therapy Wednesday.
Please pray for all who work with me. I know it is not an easy job.
I also was reminded that my brain was still injured. This form of injury takes quite a bit of time to heal, if I do everything correctly. I know I won't but I won't stop trying.
I am constantly reminded, although better, that my processing unit in my brain is malfunctioning. My occipital lobe took one too many hits.
This means that my natural filter is broken allowing an extreme amount of visual information to flood in. I call it "eye hell"
As I look at the computer right now, or any computer, I can visibly see the lines of the screen as it refreshes. It's like my brain is taking snapshots on a high speed camera and I am seeing almost every detail.
This is both annoying and overwhelming. My brain reaches a tipping point several times a day and if I don't shut down for a while, I crash for more than a day, most often 2 or more.
This is written in this format to show you what my brain can handle. I have learned to block out the screen except for a few lines at a time when typing.
However, I must remember that it's not my timing but God's. When I try to sprint too quickly, I end up in trouble.
The same goes if I go by my own rules. I am slowly learning to let go of my stubbornness, at east the bad form of it.
In a evaluation today I was hoping for some good news. I wasn't expecting to hear that I have come quite a distance from where I was in certain areas. I also get to start another form of therapy Wednesday.
Please pray for all who work with me. I know it is not an easy job.
I also was reminded that my brain was still injured. This form of injury takes quite a bit of time to heal, if I do everything correctly. I know I won't but I won't stop trying.
I am constantly reminded, although better, that my processing unit in my brain is malfunctioning. My occipital lobe took one too many hits.
This means that my natural filter is broken allowing an extreme amount of visual information to flood in. I call it "eye hell"
As I look at the computer right now, or any computer, I can visibly see the lines of the screen as it refreshes. It's like my brain is taking snapshots on a high speed camera and I am seeing almost every detail.
This is both annoying and overwhelming. My brain reaches a tipping point several times a day and if I don't shut down for a while, I crash for more than a day, most often 2 or more.
This is written in this format to show you what my brain can handle. I have learned to block out the screen except for a few lines at a time when typing.
That's all I can handle for now. More to come another day or another moment
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
New Challenges, New Beginnings
So, for at least a while, my focus will change a bit to let you have some insight into my life.
"Life is like a journey going up a hill in a wheelchair. Sometimes you lose your grip and slide backwards for a while."
I am going to take you along for a journey as I venture further and further into vestibular therapy and the world of brain injuries. Most of these are going to be short insights throughout my day. I may post several a day or maybe not at all for that day. It will all depend on my brain. Life is all about facing challenges and overcoming them.
My first installment will be tomorrow.
"Life is like a journey going up a hill in a wheelchair. Sometimes you lose your grip and slide backwards for a while."
I am going to take you along for a journey as I venture further and further into vestibular therapy and the world of brain injuries. Most of these are going to be short insights throughout my day. I may post several a day or maybe not at all for that day. It will all depend on my brain. Life is all about facing challenges and overcoming them.
My first installment will be tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
When life lets the air out of your tires, put on some run-flats. What a ROCie Journey
My journey up "The Hill" as a Raven has been a rough ride.
"Life is like a journey going up a hill in a wheelchair. Sometimes you lose your grip and slide backwards for a while." I did this both physically and some spiritually. Spending 26 days in the hospital fighting for life and 47 days on total bed rest after 6 surgeries. "At other times you need to call on others to give you a little extra push on the especially steep parts of life." I called on my fellow Ravens for emotional support and received more blessing than I can count. "However, if you keep pushing progress will be made." I am getting there in regards to the health with one more surgery to go with six months of recovery. "Sure, at times that progress is a crawl; while at other times, progress is a full out race." Injuring my hand in the famous Benedictine bed races first semester and tackling Fornier's Gangrene this semester
"However once the journey is complete, the fun part begins: "fly"ing down the hill in life."
2013 saw many blessings and a few pains, both emotional and physical.
I saw my journey as a Cardinal take flight and the beginning of my journey earning the wings of a Benedictine Raven. The graduation ceremony for LCC still vividly plays in my mind, partially because it was my first major graduation. I can't wait for my graduation, God-willing, as a Raven. I said good-bye to my home full-time and traded it in for a dorm room in St. Michael (one of my patrons no less) Hall at Benedictine. We saw the efforts of residents pay off in the first Chapel built on campus in many years. Hopefully, given time, it will be the first of many in line. It's great to be around Godly men who like to pray hard and play hard while working hard. These guys are quickly becoming some of the best friends I will have.
My journey has not been a smooth one. Graduation was in question shortly before due to health. Now due to injuries and health, my journey as a Raven is in question. If it is God's will, He will continue to open doors. He has yet to truly disappoint me yet. My thumb has eventually healed itself. My health continues to be a rocky journey but it keeps getting better. Now PT/OT is kicking my butt into shape to get me ready for Surgery 7 of the year. Concussions are always a threat to my brain but you can't earn the title of "Bed Race Crash Test Dummy" easily.
One of the most memorable moments was when Tammy gave me a hug at graduation and Dr. Knox gave me a huge hand shake on Graduation. On the Raven side of things: I will certainly remember Homecoming 2013 and the Benedictine Bed Races. While I was moderately injured, the best moment of the entire race was not the spectacular crash but the awesome finish we accomplished as a team. In the second semester, life was great until the hidden enemy known as fornier's gangrene tried to end my life viciously. I am starting to continue up the hill of life. The progress is painfully slow right now. I am very blessed (refuse to say lucky) to have so many great friends, family, and classmates in my life.
Please keep all law enforcement, military, priests, administrators, and least importantly me in your prayers. That pretty much covers all my family. HAHA
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